there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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