my mouth tastes like poor choices
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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