Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
