don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
