hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I skipped work to stalk him.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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