i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
