So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
