I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
