i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
