i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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