Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
