Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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