Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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