don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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