Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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