I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
