I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
