Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
