I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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