i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
