Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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