Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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