Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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