Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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