Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
