I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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