Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
