She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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