There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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