you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
false alarm. still invincible.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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