New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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