I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
