take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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