I'm lost and stupid without you.
so that wasnt chicken after all
you win again, gameday.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
