He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
