dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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