Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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