Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
