You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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