Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
