Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
