I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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