It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How does one acquire holy water?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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