Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
