He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
