Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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