We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
