You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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