After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
