just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
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