So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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